A Violet love letter: 42 months

Dearest Violet,

On your three and a half year birthday you threw a shoe at my head. You then yelled at me that I was a terrible mom, and that you were going to take away my coffee. This was brought on because I wouldn’t let you cross a major street without holding my hand. To sum up, at forty-two months you are stubborn, independent and fierce.

In all honesty, sweetheart, life with you these past six months hasn’t been all roses and sunshine. It has been hard. You are at a cross between a tyke and a toddler. A big kid and a little girl. However, one of the things that I love about parenting you, sweet third baby of mine, is that I feel that I have found my confidence. And finding my confidence in motherhood has been nothing more than finding confidence in myself. It has been sidling up to failure, getting cozy with doubt. It has been questioning the unanswerable and praying the unthinkable. It has been understanding that my role here is to love and love and love. To teach, to train, to model. To bite my tongue.

Gaining confidence in parenting has given me the understanding that this work is hard, that the fruits of our labor are slow to witness. It allows me to trust that there is growth, just under the surface, not yet visible, and know if and when we will see it is far less important than watering daily.

Besides your wildly independent stubborn (ahem, who do you get that from I wonder?) streak, you are creative, funny and smart with a booming personality. You love to play puppies and babies and family. You truly believe you can read music and play the piano and ask weekly when you can start lessons. You are constantly asking to “go for a run” with me and your favorite game to play is catch. Your favorite afternoon activity to help cook dinner, and you squeal with delight when I tell you we can make a new batch of play-doh. You love any Llama Llama book, and you live in a world of Harry Potter spells, and kiddo, you really do need that 45-minute afternoon nap. Every time I turn around you have pulled out the all painting supplies, every marker we own, and multiple pairs of scissors to make a "project." Besides your blossoming crafting skills, you have been experimenting with idioms and colloquiums quite a bit. You are constantly telling me that you are “not in the mood” for something (usually a nap) and when something surprising happens you say, “holy moly guacamole.”

Additionally, you are developing more independence. You insist on brushing your teeth yourself. You never want me to buckle your car seat. You are anxious to read “by yourself,” and are always correcting me if I miss a word. I love watching you gain more independence and seeing the confident young girl you are, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you that it is a little bittersweet watching you morph from my baby to my little girl right before my eyes.

Violet, you are a delight. You are sweet, adventurous and imaginative and always, always asking for a snack, and you are absolutely perfect for this family, even though you only allow me to wear "shirts with holes in them." You brighten my life in a way I could have never imagined. So, while these last six months have been a little tougher, a little harder, I live for the snuggles and cuddles in between.

I love you more than all the stars in the sky and the water in the ocean.

Love,

Momma